By now, world powers will have heard of Act of Gay as subversive queers begin to spread the word. So there is no excuse for the homophobic slurs and behavior of Venezualas new President, Nicolas Maduro, who seems to completely misunderstand the act of ‘down low’. By loudly shouting that you like women and that you have a wife could suggest to many that you are protesting much too loudly. President Maduro, could your actions and words have brought an Act of Gay upon Venezuala? Curious minds want to know.
We shall have to wait no longer it seems as only an Act of Gay could wreak the sort of havoc that a shortage of wine and toilet paper could bring upon any country. Oh yes! It has been announced that monks must now not only hide their sexuality in a closet, but their wine as well.
That alone would be enough, but no, there’s more. Toilet paper contraband. Not to be outdone by monks, it seems that organised crime has begun to control the flow. So, a word to the wise of Venezuala…tell your President to play nicely with the other boys and stop using homophobic slurs as we all prefer miracles to disasters.
In Puerto Rico a Senate Committee is looking into allowing adoption by gay parents. We all know that having gay parents is better than having no parents, but of course there are those lingering concerns.
Concerns? What concerns? Well, we have been repeatedly warned that same sex marriage will lead to inter species marriage, but what we haven’t considered is whether gay adoption will lead to inter species adoption. Enter left – baby manatee.
Rangers in Puerto Rico found a poor little baby manatee stranded on the beach just like Moses. Could an Act of Gay be responsible? Could this be a sign to the Puerto Rican government that everyone has the right to be adopted? So, many questions. Let’s hope they get it right and further manatee miracles occur in beautiful Puerto Rico.
As we all know, gays love sports. Lots of fit men and women sweating and showering together. The opportunity for full contact and celebratory butt slaps. It’s a shame that the Nigerian Flying Eagles didn’t embrace the fun loving thrill of soccer to its demise. A 2-0 loss. If there was anything that could be an Act of Gay, it could just be that small gust of wind that blows a ball wide.
Why would the Nigerians be subject to an Act of Gay? Well, they have decided to be super mean to the fun and fruity Nigerians in their midst by passing a law today which not only bans same sex marriage but will lock people up for setting up gay groups. We’re not sure what you call a group of gays – a gaggle? A gobble? Answers on a post card boys and girls!
Virginia, we want you to see your flowers. So, we think it might be wise to consider escorting the extremely rude and unpleasant GOP candidates out the front door and shutting it. All Virginians deserve your love – except these meanies, who deserve nothing but a plague…and well, there you have it. Love your gays or an Act of Gay may just come down to ‘bug’ you.
The LGBT community are renown for their love of our furry friends (and no rude jokes about pet shops or lesbians and cats please!). Could there be any explanation for this unheard of event. Not even the Coast Guard were able to find this poor pooch until someone heard a bleating sheep. Was it by chance saying ‘help that poor puppy!’. We think it might have been.
Now we agree that much bleating probably goes on in the British government too, but we believe that it was the fact that Great Britain’s House of Commons did something more than common by voting to legalise same sex marriage in England & Wales that resulted in the rescue of Dobby the dog. Quite right for the home of the original ‘Queen’. Cups of tea and cucumber sandwiches will feature at the celebrations when it must make it through the fabulous House of Lords.
Florida, the land of sun, sea and thongs has made sure that its fabulous gays can’t get married. Now why would they want to do that? Especially when it might put them at risk of an Act of Gay. When adults are in love, we’re supposed to celebrate under the palm trees and go to Disney World. Now look what’s happened.
Luckily the invasion of Man of War is only a minor inconvenience and not a true natural disaster, so Florida – as hurricane season is upon us – we urge you to reconsider. We all should know by now that happy gays make for happy places.
This week it was reported that two Pakistani lesbians were forced to seek asylum in the UK and became the first Muslim same sex couple to legally marry in a civil ceremony there, Meanwhile, homosexuality continues to be criminalized in Pakistan with parts of the country applying the death penalty under Sharia law. Now that is just plain terrible and it seems that someone thinks that mangoes need to suffer as a result.
Lightning hits Wills Tower in Chiago Photo by Jeff Gorski
Oh tell us it’s not true. Could anti-gay marketing robocalls have caused an Act of Gay in Chicago? It appears to be a possibility with storms, flooding and thousands of people without power in Chicago today.
It seems like only a few weeks ago that some pretty mean people in Chicago sent out automated phone calls to people warning that an ‘Illinois lawmaker’ was accepting money from homosexuals in Chicago. Now we’re not exactly sure how it could be proven that certain dollars are more homosexual than others unless of course they have implemented the pink triangle system for currency in Chicago. Either way, as we, at Act of Gay, have learned – doing nasty things to gays can result in some nasty weather. We’re trying to help you here – be nice or get flood insurance!
We would like to invite all of our lovely LGBT (and all the other letters and colors in the universe) people, their friends, families, neighbors and loved ones to become Act of Gay Reporters. Let us know what Acts of Gay have happened in your region and why.
Well, as the LGBT community in Chile have been disappointed by their President’s lack of backbone on the same sex unions issue – it appears that an Act of Gay may be a timely reminder about what happens when you neglect your gays.
The Copahue Volcano on the Chile/Argentina border is putting on a fabulous display resulting in a red alert for those on the Chilean side. It’s interesting to note that Argentina is only on a yellow alert and that may be understandable as they are very nice to their gays. They are one of the first South American countries to legalize gay marriage. So, take heed Chile – be nice to your LGBT people and you may find that your fabulous volcanic display remains fabulous and nothing more. Right now though, we just don’t know how angry Mother Nature might be about discrimination against her beautiful creatures. Act of Gay wishes safety and good fortune to the many, very nice people of Chile, who love and embrace their gay community.