Get Fake Gay Married in Curacao

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image from edgeboston.com

As Act of Gay readers, you’ll know that not only does Act of Gay love to present fabulous blessings to those who are nice and natural disaster like Acts of Gay to those who are naughty, not in an nice way.  But we have a greater obligation that we have discovered through our journey and that is to improve world geography knowledge among the LGBT community.  Knowledge is Power!

So, today we present you with Curacao.  Curacao is a cute little island off the coast of Venezuela.  It is part of the ‘Kingdom of the Netherlands’.  Netherlands, of course, having nothing to do with your ‘nether’ region, but more to do with Holland!  Oh yes, Holland, who we proudly covered recently in Act of Gay.  Being associated with the very gay friendly Dutch and being a Caribbean island could cause some consternation and confusion and guess what?  By golly, it does.  But before we go there, I must remind you that in our previous coverage of Holland, we discussed the Dutch (Dutch are people from Holland; Holland is the Netherlands and also part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands) journalists  arrested in Russia for spreading homosexuality.  Yes, we know there is no actual law using the term ‘spreading homosexuality’, but we think it fits and we like the word ‘spreading’. So be it.  Anyway, it turns out that one of the journalists that was arrested was from Curacao and that, combined with the encouragement of an intrepid Act of Gay reporter, brought us back to investigating this little island.  But before we move on, we do have to announce that all of those arrested in Russia have been released.

Curacao promotes itself, as a country, being something like an LGBT heaven sack floating on the turquoise waves of justice.  OK, well maybe not, but the country even issued a press release celebrating the success of same sex marriage in the USA.  It went like this.

“The southern Caribbean island of Curaçao, one of the most welcoming Caribbean islands for gay travelers, proudly joins the LGBT community in celebrating the recent decision to overturn the “Defense of Marriage Act”. Curaçao has long welcomed the world’s LGBT community to its tropical paradise, offering a friendly, safe, and inclusive experience for all travelers. The island’s “melting pot” history has led to a progressive ‘live and let live’ philosophy that makes Curaçao the ideal destination for Caribbean commitment ceremonies and honeymoons.”

Celebrate in Gay Paradise?

Wow!  Let’s all move to Curacao quickly. It truly is …..wait a minute.  (sound of brakes screeching).   People from Curacao can’t get married if they have the same bits in their ‘nether’ regions.  Two penises = no marriage in Curacao.  Two vaginas = no marriage in Curacao.  This is just a little bit confusing to us.  The country celebrates equal marriage in another country, while denying its own citizens the same?   Oh no, could it get worse? Please tell it it doesn’t.

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image from fourteenstyle.com

So, let’s recap.  The island markets itself as a gay friendly destination.  It advertises ‘wedding’ packages on the island.  It celebrates the legalization of gay marriage in other countries.  You can’t get married there if you are gay.   Even if your marriage in another country is recognized in Curacao, you still don’t have the same rights as a married couple. Confused much?  We are.

The law, as it stands in Curacao, is that because of its membership to the Kingdom of the Netherlands, it recognizes same sex marriages officiated in Holland (remember, that’s where the Dutch come from), a few islands that are part of the Kingdom and which have recognized gay marriage; Saba, Bonaire and Sint Eustatius and anywhere else gay marriage is legal.  But residents nor tourists nor anyone of the gay or even gayish persuasion can get married in Curacao.    You can, of course, get pretend married if you like though and that’s what seems to be on offer.

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image from frenchkissthebride.com

The image above is from a real pretend gay wedding in Curacao.  We love these guys and they are very handsome and it looks like a beautiful location.  We also congratulate them on their real gay marriage in New York!  But we did feel obliged to use their images to illustrate that no matter how wonderful a place looks and how happy they are to take your tourist dollar, a pretend wedding is …well…a pretend wedding.

Curacao seems to be confused by many things such as whether they have oil or not.

Does Curacao Actually Have Any Oil

According to one scientist:

There are no proven, probable, possible, inferred, undiscovered or any other type of reserves of oil or gas that have ever been identified, qualified or quantified. To my knowledge there is no history of any seeps or shows. Therefore statements by some parliamentarians to the effect there is an “over 90 percentage” chance of discovery or “most likely oil and gas in the Curacao territorial waters”, while adding to popular mythology, are without sound technical basis.

We’re somewhat curious as to whether this is the attitude towards gays and gay marriage there as the commonly given reason for not allowing gay marriage is ‘Catholicism’.   So, as long as there are no gay marriages, there are probably no gays?  So, because they have no gays, they have a natural niche perhaps and so they have to advertise for foreign gays to come and get pretend married.  A bit like getting foreign oil companies to come and drill for pretend oil?

Well, we’re pleased to hear that Curacao LGBT people have had enough and have planned their first official Pride Celebration to be held in September this year.  Even more so they are hosting All Caribbean Pride in May, which will welcome gays (most of whom are sadly unwelcome in their own country) from all over the Caribbean.  So, even though gays can only get pretend married in Curacao, the island nation seems to be working positively with pride to remain true to it’s reputation as the Caribbean’s most gay friendly island.  Given the Caribbean’s general attitude to LGBT people, just not beating them up and killing them would make them seem gay friendly.   Credit where credit is due.

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image from edgeonthenet.com

So, we’re going easy on Curacao today. We like the fact that they welcome our money.  We also like the discounts offered, but really, we’d love you to let your LGBT citizens get real married.  In the meantime, here’s a gentle Act of Gay word of warning and advice.

You see how your economy has shrunk in the last year?  Yeah, it’s not wonderful, is it Curacao?  You really want to see your economy grow.

Curacao Has Less Money Than Before

Just imagine what Act of Gay could do to help your economy if you allowed real gay marriages.  All that pink and rainbow money fluttering down from the skies and floating in on cruise ships.  Curacao, just keep that vision in your mind for now, work towards making it a reality and then come back to us. Act of Gay will be happy to send some of our powers your way to make sure that your economy is happy and merry and gay in the future.

Meanwhile, Act of Gay is proud of the LGBT community in Curacao and will be sending lots of Act of Gay powers their way in September for excellent weather, no locusts or pestilence.

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image from gaycuracao.com

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